Confessions

Ugh....The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem.... I am such an addict. If its not one thing (food) it's another (smoking). I quit smoking in August 2009 and was doing AMAZING! But I still had other vices...(wine and food).





I quit because I was training for my first half marathon. Honestly it was the best thing I ever did. My running improved almost immediately, and 100 days late I ran my first half marathon in 1hr 54 min. I was pretty happy with that time.



Oct 2009





Oct 2010



Then I went on vacation last Christmas with 9 of my girlfriends and decided "I can smoke, I am in Cuba". So smoke away I did. The second I got back I didn't touch another one.....until March when R and I went, you guessed it, on vacation and "well I can smoke on vacation......I did it last time.....right)????n So puffy mcpuff a lot I was....

Again quiting when I got back
So I dabbled in a smoke here and there all last summer (when I was having a drink).....and again when I went to Ireland in September I smoked away (stupid I know)......and then in December I thought enough is enough No more......and that was it....
My running self was very happy and even though I was smoking such a small amount I felt better for not touching it anymore.
So I started Bernstein's 3 weeks ago and all of a sudden I had nothing left that I felt was rewarding (no booze, no treats) I had to do something....I was going crazy.....and since I am taking a month or so off from running due to the low cal diet and my knee issues, I thought it wouldn't hurt to "reward" myself with a smoke......What a sicko.....ugh....

So now I am having 2 or 3 smokes a day (totally unacceptable for someone who tried so hard to quit)....and I have to get back to the gym in the next 2 weeks....what am I gonna do.....Why do I think I need something "bad" everyday to reward myself with.....anyways rant over....Bottom line......QUIT SMOKING!