Sunday sunday.....

Busy day today since I worked OT yesterday. Just trying to loose the last couple pounds ASAP, so being really good sticking to meal plan.

Breakfast-Egg beaters with spinach and 2 Veggie Sausages

Snack Peppers and Cucumbers....yuck



Supper Mixed greens with cherry tomato's and cucumber, 3 oz fish and 1 T no fat dressing
















Besides this I had Lunch half a pita with 3 slices of fat free lunch meat, 1 T FF Mayo and mustard....
Basically the most boring day of eating ever.....
I guess I will get a SF Jello .... wow can't wait!
It was a baking day again.....Almost done with the demos.....
Real orders are starting to come in!
I have a birthday party to make 3 dozen for in 2 weeks! It will be nice to start getting paid for making them!!
This is what I made today

Vanilla Chai Cupcakes with a spiced Cream Cheese Icing
Had to make these again with the right icing!

Double Chocolate Cupcake with Nutella Cream Cheese Icing and a Fudge Middle

Old Fashion Yellow Butter Cake with Double Fudge Frosting

Delish!

Weigh in on Wednesday...Hope to be 133! We will see....

Confessions

Ugh....The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem.... I am such an addict. If its not one thing (food) it's another (smoking). I quit smoking in August 2009 and was doing AMAZING! But I still had other vices...(wine and food).





I quit because I was training for my first half marathon. Honestly it was the best thing I ever did. My running improved almost immediately, and 100 days late I ran my first half marathon in 1hr 54 min. I was pretty happy with that time.



Oct 2009





Oct 2010



Then I went on vacation last Christmas with 9 of my girlfriends and decided "I can smoke, I am in Cuba". So smoke away I did. The second I got back I didn't touch another one.....until March when R and I went, you guessed it, on vacation and "well I can smoke on vacation......I did it last time.....right)????n So puffy mcpuff a lot I was....

Again quiting when I got back
So I dabbled in a smoke here and there all last summer (when I was having a drink).....and again when I went to Ireland in September I smoked away (stupid I know)......and then in December I thought enough is enough No more......and that was it....
My running self was very happy and even though I was smoking such a small amount I felt better for not touching it anymore.
So I started Bernstein's 3 weeks ago and all of a sudden I had nothing left that I felt was rewarding (no booze, no treats) I had to do something....I was going crazy.....and since I am taking a month or so off from running due to the low cal diet and my knee issues, I thought it wouldn't hurt to "reward" myself with a smoke......What a sicko.....ugh....

So now I am having 2 or 3 smokes a day (totally unacceptable for someone who tried so hard to quit)....and I have to get back to the gym in the next 2 weeks....what am I gonna do.....Why do I think I need something "bad" everyday to reward myself with.....anyways rant over....Bottom line......QUIT SMOKING!

I have a problem

So I was not happy with the icing on the Vanilla Chai Cupcakes so i sat and stewed for a while about it....it was bothering me  so much. I actually scraped the icing off the cupcakes (2 dozen minis and 6 regular size) and made a new batch of Chai Butter cream and re-iced them. R liked the taste of the other icing better so I left him a dozen of the minis with the ugly icing.......K better now......


Vanilla Chai Cupcakes




Vanilla Chai minis......so so good

 I work Monday and Tuesday day shift so I can't weigh in till Wednesday.....I get in trouble when I miss a day!!

Supper and a mini Cupcake

Have been wanting to make Chai Cupcakes for a long time. Tried it today and they taste great! Except I listened to R and did something to the icing that I never do. Wish I hadn't because it is messed up. Tastes really good but has NO structure to it. So I said fuck it and iced them super quick and R is going to have to eat 3 dozen mini cupcakes and 6 large ones because I am not taking them anywhere looking like this!!!

THEY LOOK TERRIBLE...I will make a new batch on Sunday, but make a cream cheese icing instead.

Ate very well all day, Just had supper. Baked Broccoli and a Veggie Burger

Blah......Poor R...I think he wanted us to have a nice meal together....He is eating crab and blue cheese risotto....I wish.....Would have loved to go out but I just wanna hit my goal so no cheating.....well I did have a mini Chai Cupcake....seriously it was tiny! I swear!





135.0

                                                           135.0

Not that impressed with my weigh in! Since Monday I only lost .2 pounds! I only have 5 to go and my body is sure hanging on to those last 5 pounds! So so close.....I just wanna get off this super restrictive part if the diet and go on maintenance so I can get back to the gym.....a full month off.....I know my knee will thank me but I think it is ready to go again......

Not to mention that I have this nice new pair of running shoes I want to break in!

I also have a bunch of lulu lemon gift certificates from Christmas that i really want to use......I bought this bag as a gift for someone now I want one too.....

So I think I will have a shower and do something with my day off, since I decided to be a cool guy and take a 12 hour OT shift tomorrow......At least it is for a good cause!! Cuba here I come......

This was last years vacation!



Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol

So I love that I cheat 1 DAY-Monday to be exact....all I did was eat properly all day, minus my fruit allowance, and then INSTEAD of supper....I drank a 750 ml bottle of wine.....and then I did snack a bit.....but seriously it was a couple bites!
So Tuesday morning, back on the band wagon. Drank a ton of water and have eaten properly since. This morning I finally got the nerve to weigh myself and I am UP 2 POUNDS! Oh come on!
I have been perfect, I mean perfect since so I truly don't get it. Can someones metabolism be that bad??
sigh......
Today at work was rough because it was the only 2 line meals I like!! Nachos with cheese sauce and soft tacos, and supper is the best meal or Fried fish and chips and beans! yumm....Not for me......
R and I have our first day off together since Christmas Day tomorrow so I am excited for that. Although we have been fighting a lot lately. I think it is because I am hungry.....That's what he says anyways.......

At it again

I work tomorrow so I baked up a couple new types of Cupcakes to take in and try out. I think I have 2 winners! I, of course, can not eat them so I am not sure....Suck to take the icing for flavour and have to spit it down the sink! LOL....but after last night (my cheat day), I have no room for error the rest of the week.

Pina Colada CupCake

Cinnamon CupCake with Maple Buttercream and a candied Pecan

Last night instead of eating supper (I ate proper all day) I just drank a bottle of wine and snacked a bit when R got home from work.....Felt terrible when I woke up but the wine was sooooo good......(I am such a lightweight, used to drink a 1.5 L and last night I was in the bag on a 750 ml!)

So weigh in is on Friday, should be ok by then!

Off to shower and go for a tan and to get my hair done......Planning to go down south soon so better get a base tan or I will be sorry!!

Daily Food Intake

I am posting a day of food. I eat almost the same thing every day, being a shift worker it is the easiest way. I don't mind anyway.
Breakfast
2 oz spinach = 13 Cal
3/4 Cup egg Beaters = 90 Cal
Coffee = 2 Cal
Breakfast Cal = 105 Cal

Snack
Cucumber 6 oz = 26 Cal
Green Pepper 6 oz = 23 Cal
Snack Total = 49 Cal

Lunch
1/2 Pita = 50 Cal
Mayo Fat Free = 11 Cal
Turkey Breast Smoked Fat Free = 42 Cal
Process Cheddar Fat Free Thin Slices = 35
Alfalfa Sprouts = 10 Cal
Lunch Total = 148 Cal

Snack
Strawberries 2.5 Oz = 24 Cal
Blueberries 2.5 Oz = 41 Cal
Snack Total = 65 Cal

Dinner
Blue Water Grill Fillet = 90 Cal
Broccoli 8 Oz = 79 Cal
Soup (Homemade with home roasted red peppers = 37 Cal, Canned Tomato 40 Cal, Onion 10 Cal = total 77 Cal)
Supper Total = 246 Cal

Snack A & W Diet Root Beer = 0 Cal
Apple = 79 Cal
Sugar Free Jello = 5 Cal
Snack Total = 84 Cal

Daily Total = 697 Cal
YIKES....seams like a lot to eat but IT'S NOT!

Yeah right

I hate being on a diet....(I am suchhhh a whiner when I am hungry)
We had a weekend house guest! From Wednesday to Sunday.....GIZMO...Love him....MV and DT went on a little road trip so Gizzy came to visit....Cute but a shedding machine!


I went for the mandatory 2 week doctors appointment at Dr. Bernstein. When I initially booked the appointment 2 pages in my agenda were stuck together, so I booked it on a work day. Noticing quickly I attempted to change it and was told no. So I was luck and the Shift IC let me leave for 2 hours to go to the appointment. I went on my day off Thursday to weigh in and get a shot, only to find out on Friday that they only gave me a single shot so I got another one on Friday, then they wanted me to weigh in....yeah right...its 1300H and I have been up since 0500H and ate 3 meals already and drank about 2 L of water, plus being in my uniform. I told them this and the nurse said you have to weigh in or the Doctor won't see you. Well isn't that convenient. FUCK.
I made a mini scene....of course
So I weighed in because I had to or they won't keep treating me and saw the "Doctor" that was there. Now I may not be a certified nutritionist, and sometimes don't practice what I preach, but I have lost almost 60 pounds now from my heaviest, mostly on my own, and I have done A LOT or reading and researching on food, health and diet and exercise. So when this "Doctor" started telling me things like well if I am hungry it's because I am CHEATING so there for not burning fat and doing it wrong! WTF I have been sooooo good. I also have done up the calories and 600-700 a day is where I seam to be sitting. Every part of my being for what I know about this stuff, is telling me to STOP. But I feel I went as far as I could on my own, and I have been trying so hard for so long to hit my goal that I know this isn't the best way but I don't care anymore.
wha....I don't even think that makes sense. Oh well It does to me........
Long story short, I am almost to my goal.
Day 18 weigh in 135.2LBS! That's 13 LBS down and I have changed my goal to 130LBS till I go on maintenance, so 5 LBS to go. Once I loose 5 more I will go on maintenance and get back to the gym....miss it A LOT, but there is no way I could work out on this caloric intake. Hopefully by the end of January I will hit my goal!!!!

Week 2 weigh in

Had my 2 week weigh in today.
Current weight 136.2
Total 12 lbs down and 11 to go, just past half way!
I am pretty sure that the first half was A LOT easier then the second half is gonna be.
KG came over and I celebrated my weight loss by, making 4 dozen cupcakes....of course! And not eating them. This was hard as they look so yummy.
I feal pretty good. As a matter of fact I wasn't hungry all day..this is not good as it probably means my metabolism is slowing down...yikes.....maybe a few more lbs then I will go on maintenance and get back to the gym to tone up and loose the last few.....
How do people diet for months or years on end and never cheat.....
Just want some wine!

I am a food sabator

I feed people. I don't understand why I do this. I make yummy food and baking and lots of it, but NEVER eat it. People say I don't know how you can make this stuff and not eat it? or You should weight 300 lbs.....But seriously, I have no desire to eat my own cooking. Touching and smelling during the whole cooking process is enough for me. Then I feed and encourage others around me to indulge in what I have made! What is wrong with me.
But, BUT.....
If someone else makes something LOOK OUT. I want it, for gods sake the line meals at work tempt me thse days (and believe me the food is nothing to wreck a diet over).
Last week I messed up on Friday night and Saturday (The baby shower for KG) and it took me a few days to rfecover. I wouldn't even go weigh in today cause I am only down 1 pound since last Fridays weigh in. I have to go tomorrow, and I am pissed I am only going to be max 2 pounds down in 6 pays....ugh...
Today I am just being lazy, drinking coffee (decaf now that I am on my second cup) and worrying about tomorrows weigh in.

Weekend from Hell

I am not sure why but baking calms me down. I just zone out and everything is okay for just a little while.
Today I was super stressed so I baked. Helpful at the time but now I have 3 dozen Cupcakes to get rid of (they are staring at me as I type this). I got some new supplies today at the kitchen store so I was so excited to try them out. I got a new cupcake corer so I made 2 types of stuffed cupcakes. Vanilla Cupcakes stuffed with grape jelly with a Peanut butter icing (My new PB&J Cupcake) and Vanilla cupcake stuffed with cookie dough and a brown sugar butter cream and a mini chocolate chip cookie on top (very adorable). I will take them to work tomorrow.
This weekend was KGs baby shower. It went over very well. 20+ people. HK and I went on Friday night to KGs and MS and LG were up from Otown.I was fully planning on cheating as my next weigh in isn't until Thursday so I have almost a full week to recover. I ate my groso veggie burger and steamed broccoli as everyone was having yummy homemade lasagna and garlic bread. Sux hard. But I did it. I did however indulge in a homemade piece of lemon pie with fresh whip cream.....YUMMMMMM so very good. But since I haven't touched anything like this for a while it hurt. Too full.
I had about 3 glasses of red wine, not the worst thing I could have had. We sat and reminisced and laughed our asses off. Was fun to see the girls. I made a hot dip later as a snack and we managed to devour it.
We went to bed early enough, guess we are getting old! HK and I had to sleep on an air mattress....ouch....my back was effin killing me. We were up fairly early. We drank some coffee and HK and I stayed back while everyone went out to eat breakfast. I had my spinach and egg beaters (luck me) and HK and I started to get ready for the party.
Of course Mother Nature decided to be a Bitch and have a snow storm. I thought no one would show but we only had 3 cancellations, so not bad overall.Once the shower started I had a cosmo to calm down and definitely snacked on all the treats. There was so much food. We had
Puff pastry baked brie and bread
Hot artichoke dip and corn chips
Antojito Dip (Its a take on the Antojitos at Montanas)
Prosciutto and brie wraps
Turkey spinach wraps
Blue cheese and almond stuffed dates wrapped in bacon (My mom made these, BEST THING EVER)
Punch
Pina coladas
Strawberry daiquiris
AND
CUPCAKES
I would have made them but I didn't have time so I ordered them, they were great
Mini Vanilla chai and Mini Butterscotch banana
and for the take home favours I ordered Re velvet with cream cheese frosting all individually boxed. Cute.
KG got a ton of stuff Baby E will never wear the same clothes twice.
Thanks good for all the help I got. It cost a fortune.
I got home and was a bit pissed. Diet was in the bin and my Mom and KB still wanted to go out to eat!
I went and picked at a house salad and club sandwich (picked it apart and ate the tomatoes and turkey)
SIGH......
Back on the bandwagon today and feel better already.
There are some other pressing issues but I won't elaborate yet. Heart sure is a bit heavy though.....
Work tomorrow, weight in in 4 days.....

Weigh in

Sooooo
Friday morning got up bright and early to go for my weigh in.
At home I was 139.0. When I got to the office, I did my weigh in. 140 even. So thats 8.6 down. Seams like a lot.
15 pounds to go!

Oh my

I am SO SO Hungry!
Just sayin!
Weigh in tomorrow in the morning....expecting to be about 8 pounds down all together.
Going to KGs tomorrow for the weekend. MS and LD are coming up from Odot!
I am drinking wine...I dont care!!
Again
Just sayin.........

The worst is over

Well Friday I started the diet. So glad that I had "A" at work with me for the weekend for moral support. I can tell you I have done many "diets" but this one is rough! I was super hungry the first 3 days. Going to bed with your stomach growling is not a nice feeling.
In general I am a very health person. I work out, eat well, so I can not imagine what someone with terrible eating habits goes through the first few days. I can tell you I don't really miss any food in particular. Sadly enough the hardest moments were on day one when the line meal came to the unit at work and it was the battered fish and beans! My fave. And Sunday, when the Taco with the movie theater cheese came! My second fave!So I was able to restrain myself, thank goodness.....A line meal isn't worth wrecking my diet. I also decided it would be a good idea to bake at work. God knows why I thought this was a good plan. "A" wanted to kill me as she has a sweet tooth and I sure didn't help her case all weekend. Saturday I made homemade bread and brought in some homemade strawberry jam. That was eaten quick enough! I made sure to call everyone and tell them to come and get some, just to get it our of the unit!
On Sunday I went a bit nuts, as I made Chocolate Chip Cookies, Magic Bars (yummmm) and Banana Muffins. But since people knew I was working Sunday after the Saturday baking, so they were calling me looking for goodies. They went over well......besides the fact that "A" is probably gonna snip my brake lines now! Sorry "A"!
I did cheat though.....I have been having 2 coffees a day....I HATE decaf!
Got up nice and early and went for my weigh in.....
143.6! Nice...Down 4.6Lbs in 3 days!!!!
But the biggest thing is that I feal like I lost 10 pounds....Bloating is gone. I really think I might have a gluten allergy. Not sure how to look into this.
Well it is getting easier. I have a goal of 125 lbs....still seams so far off!
Now it is Tuesday night and I know I haven't drank enough water. I will weigh myself and see in the morning if it hurt me at all.
Weigh in on Friday, then girls from out of town are coming up for KGs baby shower. HK and I are going over Friday night to sleep over and have a ladies wine night! YUMM. I don't care I am having wine. Will have to be as good as possible the next day at the baby shower, there will be lots of tasty food though so we will see.....I am not a machine, so I will do my best.
I do miss my nightly red wine....

1st day menu

1ST Day Menu

I have my menu planned for tomorrow. I work Friday to Sunday 0630-1830

Breakfast
6 egg whites (1 dairy)
2oz spinach (1/4 veg)
Coffee

Snack
6 Oz Cucumber (3/4 veg)
1 apple

Lunch
1 can Tuna packed in water
1 T Fat Free Mayo
1/2 pita

Snack
1 cup strawberries

Supper
1 veg patty
2 Melba Toast
1.5 fat free cheese slice
8oz broccili
1 T Mustard

Snack
Diet Caffeine Free Root Beer

Total Calories

868 calories

SO...Tomorrow I start the Dr. Bernstein diet.

SO...Tomorrow I start the Dr. Bernstein diet.
YUCK
I HATE DIETS
No RED WINE!
I have lost over 40 pounds since 2004 and am having a lot of trouble taking off the last bit of weight. People tell me "oh you don't need to loose weight"! But I can feel myself slipping back into old habits so I figured I will just get myself in check again. And why not Dr. Bernstein? My benefits cover it so even better. A few people from work have been using it and they look great. Anyways, I thought I would write about it as an extra accountability.
I was at my lowest of 138 pounds last Spring. I am 148 pounds today!!!!! That is 10 pounds in a year gain. WTF!! I work out 6 days a week, running and weights! But there is no way that I gained 10 pounds of mussel in a year so the alternative is not pretty. The weird thing is my measurements have not changed. I just had them done and am 29" waist and 39" hips. I feel like I have gained weight, and I hate it. So time to get this under control. No way I want to get back to my top weight of 190 pounds!! YUCK
STATS
Height 5'4"
Weight 148.2 Pounds
Chest 36"
Waist 29"
Hips 39"
Goal Weight 125 Pounds

I start tomorrow. I paid the $315 today. It will take a few weeks to get back cause I have to wait to have 3 shots before I can get the itemized receipt to send in. My next appointment is Monday. I hope to be down about 4 pounds by then.
Since I am a shift worker I can only go 2 times on week (Monday and Friday) and once the next week (Wednesday) while I am on days. When I am on 9-9 3-11 or nights I am hoping to go at least 2 times a week.
I went to get the groceries....wow.....super restrictive! I have done Weight Watchers and LA Weight Loss, but this is nuts......Th re is the picture of the reciept with just stuff for the diet on it....including the multi-vitamin. Glad the patisamum was covered by my health plan.
Looks to be about 800 calories a day....yikes.....goes against all the healthy principals I believe in and have used to successfully loose so much weight. But I am gonna give it a try. The groceries were fairly expensive since they insist on certain brand names. I think the worst part is No OATMEAL and No Dairy! SO SAD. Here is what I can eat
2 Bread Substitutes....SUBSTITUTES! AHHHHHH!
2 Protein (only 3.5 oz or 100 g each)
2 Dairy (which is not really dairy at all it's egg white or cheese substitutes)
2 Vegetables (seriously who limits vegetables)
2 Fruit (very strict on what ones)
2 Misc (spices, mint and get this GUM IS LIMITED)!
10 Glasses of Water (already do this) In this it includes tea, decaf pop or coffee, broth and sparkling water (sugar free).
Oh and worst part.....only 1 caffeinated Coffee a day....uhhh oh!!
So I am not gonna be a huge complainer, I am over the shock and am looking forward to structure and accountability again.
I will update on Monday after my weight in!

I wear my sunglasses at night

I was loonking at some old pictures (about 5 years old) and had to laugh....These pictures haven't been seen by many people! LOL.....Too funny....It\s me and my small circle of friends partying it up as single 20 somethings....too cute....
These picture are in the year proceeding my breast reduction (January 13 2005) I had lost about 25-30 lbs and after the reduction (my 5 year relationship ended at the same time....a story for another day)...and felt on top of the world....we were living the single in the city life....I was about 30 lbs heavier then I am now, but still felt better then I had in years.......I felt great....
We went out 4 to 5 nights a week and had some weird obsession with wearing sunglasses at all times! Day or night!
Here are a few pics just because .....maybe they only make me laugh but that's ok

Me and a childhood friend

KG and LG

CS and KG

Me KG CS and 2 randoms

KG and a bar DJ

KG with the bottle and Me peeking behind

LG

Moi

The gals....plus the random in the black on the left ...why am I the only one with sunglasses?? What a great night this was...May 2-4 weekend 2005

The 5 ladies.....xoxox

MS and Me

THE BEST sunglasses at night pic.....Love ya VA

MS KG and Me....Roommates 4 life!

So there was really no point to this ....just a trip down memory lane....Love yas xoxo